why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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