I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
