I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
