I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
