I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
