I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
