woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
