You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
