my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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