He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
