So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
