I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
