No awkward lesbian experiences without me
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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