it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
