I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
