nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
