JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
