I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
