I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
