you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
