it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
