Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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