I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
