Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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