Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
