so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wish you could order shots online.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
