Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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