somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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