Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize