cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I have fence marks all over my body
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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