I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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