My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
