I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
BRING THE BAGELS
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
