glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
