I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
