Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
