I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
