This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I love you.
Bad choice
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
