I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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