I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize