we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
