please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
