Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
