They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
