I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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