Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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