The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
