im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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