very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Drake has all the answers
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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