Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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