i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
